Is it wrong to have a foot fetish?
Today we’re talking about foot fetishes and a little bit of the science behind them.
What is a foot fetish? How common is it?
A foot fetish is generally defined as sexual interest in feet, sometimes referred to as a feet kink. There are many ways that a foot fetish or “podophilia” can form and it varies from individual to individual. Foot fetishes can involve the physical sight of feet, depictions of feet, non-sexual stimulation of feet and sexual acts involving feet. For some, they consume foot-related pornography exclusively, while others may include foot-related pornography as a wider range of sexual interests.
Some individuals will actively involve their sexual interest in feet with partnered sex. Sexual interest in feet can also extend to tickling or to objects such as shoes and stockings or a preference of feet stimulation in a sexual context. Some people have very strong fetishes, some cannot become aroused at all without the presence of the sexual object or body part (the clinical definition of fetish). Others might have a strong interest or just even passing interest in feet (kinks).
Not all fetishes or kinks cause impairments to quality of life or cause distress, and not all will meet the diagnostic criteria for a clinical disorder. In everyday language, kinks and fetishes are used interchangeably. In fact foot fetishes aren’t a modern phenomenon, it is the most common body-part fetish followed by body-fluid fetishes.
Sexual interest in feet has been observed in erotic poetry from ancient Greece, to 12th, 16th and 19th century Europe.It is speculated by researchers that an increase in foot-related depictions are because foot-related sexual activities can be a safe form of sex during STD epidemics.
How do people develop fetishes? (Give an example using foot fetish / Why do people like feet?)
No one really knows exactly how fetishes are developed but a neuroscientifically plausible mechanism may suggest a reason for foot-related sexual interest. In general, the brain region associated with sensory processing is called the somatosensory homunculus.When we examine how input from body parts is processed by the brain, we can see that processing of sensations of the foot is adjacent to the processing of genitals.
Some researchers have suggested that possible cross linking of these areas may predispose some individuals to find stimulation of the feet to be similar in its potential to sexually arouse as to genital stimulation.
This suggestion does have its critiques from the over-simplified brain-map itself and its inability to account for the great diversity of fetishes that don’t have a clear neuroanatomical basis such as BDSM or body fluid fetishes. However it is plausible in explaining how it's more common.
In addition, psychologists have also found that individuals can learn to sexually respond to feet or shoe related materials. In an experiment that involved showing pictures of naked women followed by an image of boots or heels. Men who had no sexual responses to feet prior to this conditioning, did demonstrate a sexual response after this conditioning measured by volume changes to their penis.
Source: 珂 许, Unsplash
So what does this mean for the everyday person?
Well, depending on how you interpret this, you can argue that for some, a sexual interest in feet is intrinsic and doesn’t need to have an underlying malicious or deviant component to it.And also, even if you did not have an initial sexual interest in feet, you may have learned via experience that this was something you found arousing.
For some, these sexual interests may be difficult to alter, change or suppress which may be a source of distress especially if you feel ashamed or wrong about your sexual interest.
It is important to note that it ok to have diverse sexual interests, and that acceptance and a positive approach to sexual expression and preference is better for your mental health. Understanding that it’s far more common and neurophysiologically understood might be a validating experience.
Are fetishes normal? Why does the word have such a bad connotation?
Fetishes are normal and commonly found, in about 10 percent of people, and only in 1 percent, it may impact an individual enough to be a clinical disorder. In the past, fetishes may have been resorted with judgment and shame because it represents deviancy from the “normal”.
But as scientists better understand the diverse and fluid nature of sexual preferences and interests - the framework of “conventional” vs “unconventional“ interests is not helpful way to categorise sexual interests. Rather than have this binary classification of normal vs abnormal, it far more helpful to see this as individual differences in sexuality, sexual interests and preferences.
Should I be embarrassed/reject my fetish? or should I embrace it?
I think it is counter-intuitive to reject or suppress a fetish, because it may have the opposite effect of increasing your attention to it. You can learn to embrace and explore to see if it is helpful or self-destructive. You can assess to see if this is something that is legal, safe, consensual and an overall positive influence in your life.
If it is harmful, unsafe or illegal then you can make the choice to disengage from that interest. If you decide to incorporate that interest into your life, ensure that it is in moderation and not an obsession.
If my partner has a foot fetish that they have brought up? How should I respond?
The key here is communication without judgment.
Be attentive and listen to your partner, understand the nuances of their interests and how it came to be. Evaluate if that is something that you feel comfortable with conceptually and practically. Evaluate if it is something you wish to collaboratively integrate elements of it into your personal life. It can be a bonding experience if you are collaborative and you can always change your mind.
If it isn’t something that you are comfortable with, it is always 100% ok to express your boundaries and you can both work out ways for your partner to express that interest in another way.
If I have a fetish that I want to introduce to my partner? How should I bring it up?
I think sometimes we get caught up in the idea of having our partner match the same level of enthusiasm about your fetish. Sometimes we overwhelm our partner and ourselves with expectations, and judgment.
Take a beat.
If you haven’t already, learn to have a dialogue about sex first.
Understand each other's needs, wants, desires and fantasies. As you understand more about each other and feel safe to share your thoughts. You can start to share your interests in a mutually vulnerable way, as opposed to making a pressured request that can be perceived as an imposing demand.
By the way, you might discover that you have other joint interests as a couple that you want to explore collaboratively as well.
What are some steps I can take if I no longer want to be aroused by my fetish?
Fetishes and sexual interests are often reinforced, that is, the more you consume or incorporate the fetish the more appealing and the more desirable it is. We can also use this principle in reverse, the less often you engage with your fetish, the less interesting and less compelling it becomes.
One of the first steps of action is to understand any external factors that might bring up that fetish in your day to day life and reduce those cues, triggers or situations that are often associated with that fetish. This might be boredom, your digital consumption patterns, stress.
Accept that there is a range of interests that is worth exploring other than your fetish and that it is helpful to increase the flexibility and diversity of your sexual interests. Allow yourself to explore other sexual avenues that you feel good about or substituting with non-sexual activities. If you need to ramp up your urge management skill check out my video post on the 4Ds which are the 4 fundamental tools to resist any urges.
If your fetish has caused distress or negative consequences, there are cognitive techniques to pair up and associate the urge towards that fetish with the memory of the negative consequences has brought you to help you discourage yourself from engaging in that fetish.
I hope this provided some clinical context behind why people through history have been fixated on feet and some tips on how to communicate about fetishes with your partner.